Girlfriend's Threat

Once I'm attached, I'm loyal, I'm honest, I'm faithful, I'm dependable and I'm caring.

But you know what comes with that?

I'm jealous, I'm clingy, I'm annoying, I'm over protective, I'm emotional, I'm crazy. You could push me away butI promise you, I will come right back. You could piss me off but I will never ever ever ever stay mad at you.

You could lie to me but I will still trust you all over again. You could make a mistake but I will still love you over and over again. You could make me hate but I will start loving you again.

Please don't take that in granted because I will always be your number one fan. I love you! - Krizza

First Visit

Last October 2016, he visited me in the Philippines and stayed with me for a week. His excitement and hunger to spend some time with me was indescribable.

We never dated exclusively before since our relationship isn't acceptable by the society. In my country, we were able to hold hands, hug and kiss each other in public. It was so nice that we can both express how we feel without thinking about other people's opinion. I am free to introduce him to everyone as the love of my life and we also don't need to hide somewhere in the dark.

My family told me that i'm so lucky because he travelled miles and miles away just to be with me. We were both broke but he never think of his expences in visiting me. His unconditional love is a blessing. I am also lucky because I am the love of his life. I will love him and should also love him unconditionally. I just don't know how to show him that.

I learnt few things about him. We skipped the getting to know each other point and I realize that having different culture is difficult. One person has to adjust for another and it's also a challenge because we are totally different.

Living with him for a week made me fall in love the 2nd time. The excitement of going back home after work is so visible. I never felt this happiness before especially when he wants to see me on my break time. Trying to spend every single minute with me means so much. I am so thankful for everything that he has done.

Getting separated the 2nd time was even more painful because you wouldn't know when will you see each other again. Waiting is the worst thing that may happen in a relationship. Ours is teaching us the right definition of patience. One thing's for sure, everything that you're waiting for and fighting for is worth it. I'm so glad as glad can be because he is willing to wait until we can be together again.

No Goodbye Kisses

Dear Sexy Beast,

You know that I really hate waiting because I'm very impatient. Every minute feels like an hour and every day seems like forever. But if waiting means being able to be with you, I would gladly wait ready to face its consequences. Even if we're miles and miles away, you're still holding all my heart.

I want you to know that you're only the reason why I smile like an idiot every single second you popped on my mind.

You know what? I fell in love with you not because you're attractive or whatsoever. I don't know why but we have an option not to see each other after the first night but still we chose to see each other all over again. That day I know and I can feel that I want to be with you forever. I know that we are a perfect couple in a fucked up situation.

In the airport, I apologize because I didn't want to kiss you goodbye. I only want to kiss you goodmorning, goodafternoon and goodnight. Whenever i'm feeling sad, I always read your messages to me. Now I'm so happy because I have a video with me which reminds me of your love. I always remind myself how lucky I am to have a special someone special to miss.

Our relationship teaches us to appreciate the days that we are able to spent our time together and it also teaches us how to be patient. I know it is difficult but distance is nothing to compare to our love for each other.

I wish I could stop everything and just go to the moment where I will arrive at the airport, see you and hug you knowing that we never ever have to be separated again. We don't have to live in this constant loneliness that's killing us every minute and we don't have to ever miss or feel sad or be empty inside.

I miss you so much and I will love you more and more everyday. I know our relationship will last long forever because we have strong faith, love and respect for each other's heart. - Krizza

Yamo's Memoir

My mind, body and emotions are missing you. I am yearning for you. My apartment is my heart now. I have all these space and all these cupboards but it's so empty without you here. I am trying not to miss you but I am just so weak.

You know something weird? I loved my life with you even when everything else around me was broken. But I can't even smile when I am without you while everything else is good.

I will listen to what you told me last time. I will think of you when i'm being too harsh on my students. I will see your love on Tat everytime I see him. I will remember the K3 students joyful laugh while they learned chess.

I am heart broken but I am not losing you. Just saying goodbye for a fee months.

Everyday I will go to Yamo. Sit on our spot and when it is hot, I will buy your favourite Thai tea. When I am driving my motorbike, I will pretend you are behind me holding me. When I close my eyes at night, I will remember the times when we look at each other with full of love and excitement. I will see your smiles and hear your laughs when I am sleeping. I love you so much. You make me happy. Just thinking about our memories makes me smile. - Sexy Beast

Long Distance Relationship

I am not going to lie. I miss you so much already. I feel so empty without you around me. I can't sleep because you are on my mind.

I hope you aren't scared of how fast we are going. I know it has been tough and we are not perfect. But we are perfect for each other.

Hold my hand through this journey and I promise I will never let go. Let's grow as we travel the world. Making memories with every passing day.

I find myself doing things I haven't done for another. This is how I know you are the one. I just hope you can love me as much as I love you.

Together we can conquer any challenge. I love you and I love telling you that everyday. -Sexy Beast

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Just last week, I can’t wait to move into a simple apartment with the love of my life and experiment food together and have random trips together and be spontaneous.

Then I just woke up this morning and realized that I’m already in the Philippines. It just broke my heart.

I am so lucky because you are the person who came into my life by accident and chose to stay on purpose. You also made me realize how poorly I’ve been treated in the past especially when you came along and treated me the way I should be treated.

Our story has an extreme ups and downs. It is very strange and I know for sure our love is worth fighting for.

You know what? It is such a great feeling when you just genuinely wants to talk to me. You always make me feel important and loved. God knows when to send me exactly what I need. - Krizza

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I am right here at your fingertips. Waiting for your messages. Waiting for you to ask for help. I might not be there but I am so with you. Just like you are with me.

You know why I feel better these days? Even though I miss you so much, I know that you love me 1000 percent. I can feel it when I wake up, before I sleep, when I am sad and when I am at work. I feel your love filling my heart 24/7.

I am still sad even though I seem happier. I still cry when I think about the moments we shared, the times I miss you or the moments that were supposed to be, like today. The only times I’m feeling happy are when you are chatting/calling me. It’s when I see your messages, hear your voice or see your beautiful face, my day lights up.

You’re the only thing that keeps me going day and night. I can sleep for 1.5 hours and the only thing that keeps me awake is you.

Our love is like 2 black holes dancing around each other in space. Nothing can separate our attraction, and nothing can stop us. We’ll just get closer and closer every minute of each day until eventually we consume each other.

I’m not sure how long I can last without kissing, touching, and feeling your body. If your love is like a drug, that I’d be happily addicted to you until the day I die. You give me a high that lasts forever and the withdrawal when you’re not here is almost heartbreaking.

Let’s go, let’s be, let’s share, let’s embrace, and let’s do it all. You’re my partner-in-crime, and let’s make this world our play-land. - Sexy Beast

Leaving Him Behind

On the latter part of July, we both decided to live in together. Everything was okay. We spent our first night with a couple of friends and have our first dinner together. It was also the time when I told my family how much I love him and how much I wanted to be with him. That very first night was good and one of the most memorable event of my life.

He woke up early to go to work. Before he left the house, he woke me up with kisses, hugs and sweetest "I Love You." Everything was fine until I received life threatening messages. I got scared that he didn't even see me at work. I was crying because I don't want to leave him. I just want to be with him but people are against it. So I have to book a flight ticket going back to my beloved country. Then I realized that it will be our first and last day living together in one apartment.

He went back home as fast as he could. He decided not to work and spent his time with me. He cried. He cried so much because he loves me and don't want to lose me. I don't know how to make him calm down. It's just so heartbreaking to see him cry the whole day for me but I still left him because I thought it was for our own good. It was my first time to experience such effort and love from someone. It was my first time to see someone crying because I am leaving. It feels good but my heart was torn into pieces.

The night before my flight he drove 4 hours using a big bike from one state to another. Even if he was so tired from work, he still chose to see me and spend some time with me. I am the luckiest to be loved by him. I'm the saddest because I have to go away and live my life without him physically. I am happy because we we're able to say "see you later" the way we want it to be. It's just so unromantic and tragic as well.

Well, this is a bitter sweet day. Bitter for the obvious reasons and sweet because we got to say “see you later” the way we wanted to.

This is the close of the first chapter of Krizza and John’s love story, and the start of the second chapter.

We can never know what plot twists the future has for us, like do we have twins or just one baby? But I can tell you for sure that you are in my future always.

I was never the type to know what I wanted to do in my life, and I never had dreams. But now, I know I want to travel the world and share new experiences with you.

You give me inspirations to dream and plan for the future. I am sad that we can’t be together physically now. But I am so happy about our endless possibilities in the future. 

7 weeks until we can hug and kiss. 7 weeks until we share our next photos and memories. 7 weeks until my beautiful mamma bear is next to me.


I am so madly in love with you and I am happy to know that you are too. - Sexy Beast

Looking back helped me realize how much he sacrificed and how much effort he did for me. Why did I ask for space? I asked for it because I wanted to realize how much he means to me. I wanted to realize that i'm the luckiest to be loved by him and the stupidiest for sending him away. I just want to realize how immature my actions are and how selfish I am for not thinking about his feelings. I always told myself that he doesn't love me and he's going to fall in love to someone else. But I am wrong and I am so negative about us. He dedicated his life to me but i'm not even doing anything in return.

Our Story

Being loved by the person you love the most is the best thing that will ever happen to your life.

I can say that i'm the luckiest person on Earth since he chose me over billions of women around the world. Thinking about it literally makes me thank God everyday for letting me to be a part of this person's life. I don't know what I did before to deserve his love. I am the happiest. I really am. I just can't tell everyone about it because I should not. 

It's just so difficult not to tell everyone that you love each other so much. We're like middle school students in which we have to hide our relationship because it isn't right. Sometimes it's also fun because we have to be 24/7 alert as if we committed a crime.

I remember those after school days where I will hop on his bike just to have an hour or two date. We will go to our favourite spot, drink my favourite Thai tea or eat some desserts. I remember those nights where we will go somewhere else as if we don't care about the world. We will just roam around to play Pokemon Go, hold each other's hand, hug and kiss as if noone's around.

I love you! I can't wait to be with you and grow old with you. I want to hold your hand and kiss your forehead. 

Look into your eyes everyday of my life. I never thought someone could make me so in love as you do. I know everything is so fast and I didn't plan anything to happen, but it just did. I am the happiest person that it is happening. 

I can't explain how but I can explain how much I love you. When I'm around you, everything around me stops and it is only you I see and care about. I lose track of time. 

Sometimes I wish I could stop the time just so I can be with you for a couple of minutes. At school, I wish I could even say that I love you and it is the hardest thing to ignore you because I don't want people to see how I look at you. I am so madly in love you. 

I don't think anything is crazy. I just think that you're the best thing ever happen to me. I will love and cherish you even more because of our difficulties. I can't wait to make a couple of preciouses for our family. Love you! See you in a few hours. -Sexy Beast

We started in a not so good way but I am so glad because we are there for each other and support each other's decisions in life. Things happened so fast to the point that we fucked up everything. I gave up my job, we lost our earnings and we've been physically abused by our partners.

Thank you for being able to love a crazy monkey like me. I know that these last few weeks have probably the hardest in your life, especially today. You are so brave and tough to endure such pain emotionally, mentally and physically. I am sorry that I can’t help or protect you like I really want to.

Apart of me says “fuck it”, and the better half of me says “wait”. In just 4 more days or 100 hours, we will be able to hold, kiss, cuddle, and comfort each other every day. I really can’t wait!

I don’t know exactly how or why we fell in love for each other, but I do know we shouldn’t waste a day without each other. I don’t think things will get easier until later but I do hope the hardest times maybe behind us soon.

I just want you to know I will never take your love for granted. I will treat you like the beautiful mama bear you are to me every day, and if I don’t please kick me and remind me that I should! I miss you and I love you so much! -Sexy Beast

He never let me deal with my problems alone. He offered me everything that he could offer. He invested his time, his love, his effort and even his money. He wants to grow old with me. He wants to take care of me. He wants to love me as long as he's living. I am the luckiest person indeed as he never fails to make me feel loved. I always say, "I couldn't ask for more" because he just don't say it. He always shows it to me. I am happy and contented. I just want to be with him forever but that's just impossible because we ended up living in a long distance relationship.